Owner of a Lonely Heart
by TheGirlWithTheStories
Summary: Anna grew curious as to why Elsa shut her out for so long. This is Elsa's explanation.


TheGirlWithTheStories

It was a chilly autumn night in Arendelle and Elsa was about to turn in for some well-deserved rest. Today was a day full of festivities to celebrate her kingdom. There was no particular reason other than to regain the approval of those citizens who were still fearful of her power. Today she made a speech in which she stated that her subjects needn't be afraid of her, for she is not an evil being. These powers were bestowed upon her by birth and not by curse. She reassured them that she only wants to bring prosperity to the land just as her father did: by being a benevolent, understanding ruler.

After the speech she let her people eat, drink, and dance the day away. Elsa smiled at the memories of Anna awkwardly teaching Kristoff to dance and a little girl of no more than five years of age who begged Elsa to "do the snow magic". The little girl reminded her so much of Anna as a child; so eager and amazed by everything. Her energy and happiness was infectious and Elsa could not turn her down so she laughed and created a small drift of snow. The little girl squealed with glee as she threw herself into it face-first. Elsa furrowed her brow and prayed that after today she would not strike fear into anybody, for that was always her biggest nightmare. After the biting winter she set on Arendelle this past summer, she was constantly trying to make up for it. She got under her covers and fell straight asleep.

As the light of dawn spilled into the room of the sleeping Queen, the door opened silently. Anna crept in and carefully shut the door. She climbed onto her sister's bed and flopped down next to her. Elsa remained fast asleep. Anna could never understand what was so fascinating about slumber. She would rather stay awake. When the sky was alive with sunlight that danced across Arendelle's waters, Anna was up. There are the exceptions though, like when she takes late walks in the castle garden when she stays up late to talk to Olaf. Elsa couldn't bear to let him melt and thought it was cruel to just let him wander when the humans went off to bed, so she took one of the empty rooms in the castle that nobody used and created a beautiful ice-room just for him. She also made him a puppy out of snow to keep him company and Anna loved to go play with both of them. When sleep was not an option for her or she just needed someone to talk to, she would sneak off to Olaf's room.

The quirky little snowman reminded Anna of her childhood with her sister. Well, the early part of it anyway. In fact, Anna thought about it more and more often. Especially now that their relationship was spectacularly close since Elsa had no reason to hide her powers any longer. But Anna never did find out what happened to their friendship all those years ago, why Elsa shut her out. Anna nudged the still-sleeping Elsa.

"Elsa...?"

Nothing. She nudged again, but a bit harder.

"_Elsa_, wake up!"

Elsa stirred for a moment and sleepily lifted her head. When she saw that it was the ever insomniac Anna smiling down on her with that enthusiastic face, she laid her head back down.

"What's the matter, Anna?"

"I can't sleep."

"What's new," Elsa yawned and rolled over. "Go back to bed Anna."

"I can't! The sky's awake so _I'm_ awake!"

Elsa opened her eyes at that. She sat up in bed.

"You used to say that all the time when you were little. Anytime you wanted to play you would come in here and wake me up and climb all over me to get me to wake up and go with you," Elsa chuckled. She had a smile on her face, but quickly dropped it. Anna saw that.

"That's why I couldn't sleep actually."

"What do you mean, Anna?"

"I've been thinking about us. Us as kids, I mean. We were so close. I know you were afraid to hurt me because you felt your powers were out of control, but why didn't you just tell me? We could have gone through it together!"

"Anna..." Elsa wanted to explain, but she couldn't. It was too painful.

"Elsa, Mother and Father... They knew. Why couldn't I? Why was I the only one who never knew?"

Elsa looked up at her. She looked at her with a pleading look. She was so hurt. Elsa knew she had to tell her.

"Anna you did know. A long time ago."

"Elsa that doesn't make any sense. I didn't know. I never knew. And I didn't forget. How could I forget something like that?"

"I should start from the beginning." Elsa took a deep breath and told her everything that her early childhood consisted of. "All of those memories you have of us playing in the snow and me trying to teach you to ice skate and us building snowmen... They aren't completely real."

Anna became puzzled. She inquired, "What do you mean they aren't real? I remember, they happened, Elsa. Every winter we'd play..."

"No Anna. We would play _every day_. Spring, summer _and_ autumn as well as winter. We used my powers. You were so fascinated by them." Elsa opened her hand and a small swirl of snow drifted around the two of them. Snowflakes danced through the air before settling onto the bedspread and melting. Anna watched with that same childlike wonder she always had when Elsa used her powers.

"Why don't I remember?" Anna began to knock on her head to try and jog some memories.

Elsa held Anna's hands and chided her. She took a deep breath and began, "It's not your fault you don't remember, it's mine."

"Elsa... _What happened_?"

"It was just after Winter had ended and there was no more snow on the ground. You wanted so desperately for us to play. You came in and woke me up, just as you did now, talking about the sky and how you only slept until it woke up. You were always so full of life, Anna. I thought with your constant love and happiness I could control it! I thought–" Elsa stopped, she needed to calm down a little before she lost control. She looked at her sister, who was just as confused as ever. "You asked me if I wanted to build a snowman, Anna." Elsa took a deep breath and continued, "We went to the ballroom. I made it snow. We built Olaf and we threw snowballs. I had just discovered how to create piles of snow instead of just ice and you loved jumping into them and then off of them into the next pile. You called it "snow catch". It was one of your favorite games to play." Elsa smiled warmly at the thought of her sister at such a young age. She was a funny little thing and never knew how to take no for an answer. Then Elsa remembered the next part and shut her eyes, as if to change it by wishing hard enough. "You kept jumping into the next pile so quickly I barely had the time to conjure one before you landed and were throwing yourself into the next one. You were moving too fast, I struggled to keep up with you. I tried to yell out your name but the wind picked up when I started getting nervous and every word out of my mouth was lost in it. Anna, I never slipped... _ever_... But I did that day." She swallowed hard and continued. "You had the utmost trust that I would catch you, so you never thought to _brace yourself._ You were waiting for the impact of the snow. I yelled out your name and threw my hand out to conjure the snow at the last second, to save you, but I couldn't…" Elsa's tears threatened to fall, the tips of her fingers began to frost and a small wind appeared. It was hard for her to speak with the lump that had taken residence in her throat. "I was still disoriented from the spill I had taken. I missed the ground and... the blast... it hit you… your head... threw you down. Anna, I held you... You were so... silent... _so cold_. You looked… dead. I thought I... I thought I had–" The wind around them picked up. Sparks of ice escaped from her fingertips and snow covered everything. The bed, the ground, her bedside table and the picture of her parents that rested on top of it were all covered in snow. Her tears, which now fell freely, froze into little ice-droplets before they even hit the blankets.

"Elsa... You don't have to…" Anna was shivering in her night gown. Elsa noticed and calmed herself down. The wind settled and she rid the bed of snow. Anna peeled back the covers and got under them. Elsa waited until she settled to continue. This was something Anna had the right to know.

"I was screaming for help. Mother and Father burst into the room. I remember the look of fear in their eyes. Father said he knew where to go. We rode all day and into the night. We came across a clearing full of moss-covered rocks. Father called out to them. 'Please help... Our daughter...' The rocks came alive-"

"The trolls of the mountain!"

"You know what I speak of?"

"Kristoff took me there to see if they could fix my heart. They are like his family." The thought of Kristoff made Anna blush.

"The eldest troll took away your memory of my magic. But he left the fun. It was the only way to save you." Elsa looked away from Anna. "Father said to control it. Until then he would close the gates. I was the reason that they closed the gates… I wished to never harm you again, so I shut you out–" Elsa started to cry again. Anna reached for Elsa's hand to ease her mind, but she yanked back as if she had been burned; Elsa was too cold to touch.

"Elsa, please… It's alright. Everything is alright now," Anna took the blanket and used it to protect her hands while she comforted her sister. Elsa looked down through her tears at her hands covered with the blanket and Anna holding them. The sight was rather comical and she let out a small giggle. Anna looked down and started to giggle as well. This then evolved into a full-blown fit of laughter where Anna would snort and Elsa laughed even harder. Eventually they had toppled over one another in the bed; Elsa was lying on her stomach and Anna was lying on her back. Elsa sighed and surveyed the snow that still covered the floor of her room.

"Anna, all those years we could not have together… It was lonely in my seclusion here, and terrifying. My powers grew out of control and they were so difficult to hide. I could only imagine how lonesome it was for you," Elsa propped her head up and stroked Anna's cheek. "I care for you so much. I am so sorry that I put you through that Anna."

Anna held her sister's hand. "Elsa?"

"Yes, Anna?"

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Elsa gave her a smile so wide and replied, "I would like nothing more."


End file.
